Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize