I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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