I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
