the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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