He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
