there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
