I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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