The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
