Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
