i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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