im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
