It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
