Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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