his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
