i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
