Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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