Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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