yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
