puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize