I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
