Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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