i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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