So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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