Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize