It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
