a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize