Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
