rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
