Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
