We won't sleep together?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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