i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
