sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
