You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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