is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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