Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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