Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
