I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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