are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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