College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
