i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize