I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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