You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
