omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
