he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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