I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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