Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
