My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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