He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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