quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
