She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
don't judge my taste in strippers
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
