a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
