You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Text me some of your sweat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
