Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You can't motorboat a personality
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
