I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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