i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
