genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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