Yo dont text me then not text me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
