I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
