put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
