It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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