I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
