I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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