Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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