I have demons in me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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