this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
