I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
