i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and you said cock pushups were impossible
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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