i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
