Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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