You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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