Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up under a house in Key West
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
